Something happened to give me a big hole in the top of my head. I decided to make this worse by cutting the top of my head off, and tipping my brain into it – it had a bit of spinal cord attached to the back of it.
When I realised what I had done, I rushed around trying to get someone to put it back in. I can’t remember exactly who it was (Steve Cowton I think), but I eventually found someone willing to do it.
It took a while, but eventually, the dangling bit of spinal column locked into the main bit of spinal column. I said thank you to whoever it was, and they asked if I was okay, and I replied that as I wasn’t slurring my words and my legs worked, yes I was okay.
The top of my head was still flapping around at this point though, when I moved about.
And then I had my own head in my hands. My full head. It looked a bit fake, like Luke’s head in Empire, when he kills vader in that tree. But weirder still, I started giving myself a blow job with my own dismembered head.
Thankfully this ended before it got messy. Hmmmm….
Then there was something about being back at Queen Anne for the first outdoor games lesson of the season. I had only brought trainers, and everyone else had boots.
All the people there were the people from school except 29 years old. Oh and David Bruce (Strollers captain) was there too wearing the yellow strollers kit. I had my trusty number nine shirt on.
In the corner was another strip – the blue Golden Boots (rival team in Strollers division, just knocked us out of the cup) kit.
I now found myself in a pub, which was looking distinctly like WH Smiths in Coney Street in York. Pud was with me, and we were sat at one of those high tables with the stools – I was having a pint of tetley and Pud, who was mute, was having an orange juice.
Apparently I could only stay for one, as it was 5.30 pm, and as Pud had finished his orange juice we made to leave. Just as we were about to, Simon Kelly and Franksie (‘Do you remember me?’ – never tired of singing that at him in infant school) who used to be in the year below Pud and I, sat next to us.
He did remember me, and so did Si Kelly. Simon offered us all a drink. I declined, but Pud, who could now speak and was also now nursing a Gin and Tonic, decided to have the same again. Franksie (‘Do you remember me’) went for a Kronie, and then Si asked me if I was sure. I ummed and aahhed, then went for another Tetley.
Simon dissappeared off to the bar, and Pud asked Franksie (‘Do you remember me?’) where Si got all his dosh from. ‘He is homeless’. replied Franksie (‘Do you remember me?’).
‘What? He gets all his cash from begging?’
‘Oh. I hate beggars.’
Pud then went on to tell us how, if you were homeless you couldn’t get a fixed IP address. He then started to show me this advert explaining this in the York Advertiser. I couldn’t make sense of any of the advert, as all the words were jumbled up (apparently this is because you read with one side of your brain and dream with the other).